Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
