just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
