Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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