haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
