I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
