Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
