why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry about my life...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
