tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
