he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
