It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize