Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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