Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
