I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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