Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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