Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
