And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
