If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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