I'm passing your future prison.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
