Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
