I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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