I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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