I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
