Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
