I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
