At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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