I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
