Can Purell be used as lube?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
