sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Two words: blizzard sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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