I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
