Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
