I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
