That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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