Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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