Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
