I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
