yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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