She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
