I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
