You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
