While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
