Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
