So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
