sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
