Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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