No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
