Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
