im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
