Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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