Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
