woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
