Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're not piercing ourselves today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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