It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize