I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
