If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
