the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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