It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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