so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
