i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
