the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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