I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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