Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Floor bacon is actually really good
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
