I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
