Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
